If we weren’t that interested we are now. It started in earnest during the India tour, but the Vogue June Issue photo shoot has given us an extra shot in the arm, and now everyone has an opinion on the Cambridges and who is advising them, especiallyKate.
The events of the past few weeks have brought out the frustrated Future Queen Manager in all of us, and this cuts across the generations and sexes, or it has in our house. My dad was an early advocate of trimming the long hair. My husband has taken against the espadrille wedges. We’re all hoping that Kate’s Vogue makeover (allegedly the first time she hasn’t done her own make up) will signal the end of the kohl-rimmed eyes, because none of us are mad for those.
Meanwhile there’s been some confusion as to why Prince George and Princess Charlotte are being dressed in the post-war style complete with George’s tidy civil servant haircut.
Admittedly, I am probably the most invested in Project Kate (so pretty! So badly advised!) but no more so than most women I know who are old enough to be her mother, and at the same time harbour complicated fantasies involving wearing ermine, and hanging out with Prince Harry. Anyway. With all due respect we loyal subjects have given the matter some careful thought and here’s what she should do, asap.
Wear less make up
Easy for me to say, I’m not being photographed with a pitiless lens. But I did once queue alongside K Midd in Pret a Manger during the Waity Katie years and it is footlights heavy. I’m thinking cut right back on the hair and makeup (ponytail! Once over with the BB cream) and you’re automatically regaining five hours a week for having fun.
No more ethnic fashion themes please
What was that about? On official appointments it should be chic, sharp designer all the way and just say no to the Monsoony Top Shop. I’m advising ditching the nude courts too, they frump up everything. And the Spanish chignon updo, which is ever so slightly Mrs Danvers. And the midi hemlines, because Kate has excellent pins and she looks her best a bit flirty. And what’s with the Accessorize earrings? Wear the Cartier, Kate! Wear the Cartier!
Aim for 15 per cent more risk, a tad more mischievous and less demure
Princess Di bucked the system by not wearing tights, if you remember, dragging royal protocol into the twentieth century. Kate should go bra-less (she does) and wear her heirloom rocks with jeans.
Put the babies in Boden!
For pities sake, one of the top bonuses about giving birth to middle class children in the twenty first century is being able to dress them in delicious Mini Boden. It’s the best fun you can have with your credit card. Someone seems to be under the impression that there is a royal children ‘look’ consisting of fair isle cardis, corduroy shorts and button over shoes, and there was, circa 1960.
Sam Cam up those Kensington Palace interiors
Just a bit. Not suggesting the introduction of an Ikea red leather sofa but maybe one less pleated cream lampshade? An ipod dock or similar? Could they borrow a Hockney? Where is Nicky Haslam when you need him?
Finally, tell William (gently, because he’s obviously got a bee in his bonnet) to stop going on about needing to spend time with the children
Because, TBH, all the parents in the world are thinking, ‘So how is that going to play out when they are ten? When they’re doing their GCSEs? If he needs extra time now what’s going to happen when the Nanny’s not around?’ It’s just alarming for those of us who are watching over them for the long haul.